Night of the Living Dead: Flesheaters Drop Six of Seven; Take Historic Drubbing to End Saturday Night Showdown

 

The Stanner Division was in a state of upheaval on the night of October 22, at the close of a 48-hour span that saw the playoff fortunes of a proud franchise brutally battered and four trades made by a shell-shocked general manager trying to sift through the rubble of his team.

 

Floral Park played 17 games over a two-day period and went 7-10 to fall hopelessly out of contention for a division championship. The fatal blows were delivered by the New Jersey Bandits, who went 6-1 and finished the job with an unbelievable 30-3 win that prompted the pitching debut of center fielders Coco Crisp and Johnny Damon. Flesheaters GM Jason Varvaro, perhaps still slightly concussed from the vicious beating, responded by trading Roger Clemens, Neal Cotts and Ryan Zimmerman to New Jersey for Roy Oswalt, Scott Rolen, Scot Shields and Adrian Beltre.

 

The deal itself makes almost no sense for Floral Park, unless it is somehow a precursor to a run at beleaguered Demons shortstop/third baseman Alex Rodriguez. For the Bandits, it’s a case of the rich getting richer, as the addition of Clemens certainly makes them the class of the Molloy Division The Flesheaters were four games out of first place when they headed to New Jersey on Saturday night in the ultimate test of their playoff hopes. A strong performance against the Bandits could close the gap and prove that this team wasn't just an afterthought in the Stanner Division. NYLISL homerun leader Andruw Jones and his cross-river rival Derrek Lee were swapping comments all week in the local papers and both teams were certainly ready for this series.

 

The first game lived up to the hype, with Floral Park’s Johan Santana pitching a gem in the first few innings until Johnny Peralta hit a three-run shot in the sixth to take a 4-2 lead. The Flesheaters scored a run in the eighth, but the Bandits bullpen locked the game down and took a surprise win to start the series. The Flesheaters were still confident with Roger Clemens facing off against Brett Myers in the second game. The Bandits’ bats calmed Brett down by using Clemens as a launching pad and scoring 11 runs (including two home runs by Derrek Lee). Game 3 brought about an unlikely pitching duel between John Garland and Roy Oswalt. The Flesheaters jumped out top an early lead, but went hitless for the last five innings against the heart of the Bandits’ pen, which gave the home team enough time to go ahead on a Joe Mauer home run and to hold on for a 3-1 win. The Flesheaters hoped to turn the tide in Game 4, marching John Patterson out to square off against Mark Prior. The Bandits’ bats stayed hot, spreading 10 runs out over 8 innings. Johan Santana pitched well in Game 5, but the Bandits got to the Flesheater pen and relied on the bullpen to help three-hit the Flesheaters, leading to an 8-2 drubbing and a season sweep of Floral Park at the FuddDome.

 

After the series, Flesheater bench coach Thurman Munson (yes he's dead, but these are the Flesheaters after all!) admitted, "You can't beat the Bandits pen. Unless we get out ahead and shut them down, we will not win." With the series heading back to New York, Roger Clemens promised, "We're going to put this team in its place, regardless of what it takes." Clemens got tossed in the fourth inning for hitting both Bandit right fielders and sending Vlad Guerrero and Gary Sheffield to the hospital for x-rays. His actions worked though, as the Bandit bats fizzled and the Flesheaters held on to an early lead and won 6-3. There was a slight altercation after the game, when Munson apparently spit a wad of decayed flesh and chewing tobacco on Tom Seaver's shoe. Despite some pushing and shoving, nobody was seriously hurt. Nobody knew what Game 7 would bring, but no one in the house could have anticipated that history would be made.

 

The Bandits proved that John Garland's great pitching in Game 3 was a fluke and chased him before he could record an out, scoring six runs in the first inning. New Jersey batted around again in both the fifth and sixth innings and held a 15-1 lead going into the seventh inning. Neal Cotts was chased from the game with two outs in the seventh and Thurman decided to save his pen, so he brought in Coco Crisp to get the last out. Cotts and Crisp combined for 12 runs in that disastrous frame and the Bandits were up 27-1. Johnny Damon came in to pitch a scoreless eighth, but the Bandits tagged him for three more in the ninth and won by a record setting score of 30-3. Disgusted by the team’s poor performance, Roger Clemens quickly demanded a trade and the Flesheaters eventually put him on the Bandits’ bus back to NJ. 

Floral Park made three other trades this weekend, all with the Wellwood Avenue Scribes of Lindenhurst. When the smoke cleared, the Flesheaters added Dan Haren and Tadahito Iguchi and had sent Ryan Freel, Jonny Gomes and Mark Grudzielanek to the Scribes. Jose Valverde and Brad Thompson were each involved in two of the trades, eventually ending up right back where they started.

Guillen Shipped to New Jersey: Carlos Guillen is crossing the Hudson. The slugging shortstop was acquired by the Bandits from Lindenhurst on October 28 for a supplemental draft pick. The two teams had been exchanging offers for several weeks now and just weren't able to come to an agreement what players/picks should be involved in the exchange. Bandits GM Yoda broke the ice with a late call from the team hotel and brokered the final deal. Guillen, a longtime Hitman and perennial backup to Derek Jeter, will likely finish out the season on the Bandits' 40-man roster and will get the starting nod next season at short over defensive wiz Omar Vizquel and Johnny Peralta, the victim of the sophmore slump. The supplemental draft pick was earned by New Jersey for playing its games in a timely fashion under current NYLISL rules. By doing so, the Bandits were able to wrangle a 41/53 (projected) shortstop from a league rival at literally no cost to the 40-man roster, an astounding coup for team owner Chris Forster.

Varvaro Above The Law? Flesheaters Owner Avoids Fine for Disobeying Traffic Laws; What Did He Say to Local Cops?

Jason Varvaro, the owner and general manager of Floral Park Flesheaters, was pulled over by Nassau County police today but mysteriously left without receiving a ticket, sources told the league Web site.

Varvaro was on the phone with Wellwood Avenue Scribes of Lindenhurst owner Jim Baumbach at the time, said to be discussing their past trade history after agreeing to play a series of games October 20 and October 22. Baumbach, when reached for comment, confirmed only that he spoke with Varvaro by phone.

The apparent issue at hand was that Varvaro was talking to Baumbach on his cell phone, which is against New York State law. However, police went lightly on him because he flashed his postal worker identification card, according to police sources. It is unclear if he was given preferrental treatment because of his status in the community as owner the fan favorite Flesheaters.

The league website sent Varvaro mutliple e-mails to his last known e-mail address seeking comment, but shockingly enough, he did not respond. It is not known whether the league website made any attempt to reach out to him via his cell phone or through a text message.

They're The Real Hitmen! Eyre, Turnbow Tossed For Consecutive Beanballs; St. Jack's Will Appeal

El Jefe: Viva Dos Carlos! Zambrano, Delgado Back With St. Jack's; Demons Cut Ties With Ace Starter, Longest-Tenured Player

St. Jack’s and Floral Park came together to make their second trade of the season on August 6 – an eight-player swap that saw the Demons re-acquire two former players while parting ways with the franchise’s longest-tenured position player.

 

Carlos Zambrano and Carlos Delgado are back in the fold for St. Jack’s, who also added Craig Monroe and Greg Maddux in exchange for Roger Clemens, Jorge Posada, Hank Blalock and Brad Thompson. Zambrano was drafted as a rookie by the Demons and spent several years with the club before he was shipped to the Crackheads in 2005.

 

Zambrano will take over Clemens’s spot as the ace in the Demons’ starting rotation, which has been horrible since the beginning of the season. Despite a 25-12 record, no St. Jack’s starter has an ERA under 5.00 or a WHIP under 1.500. Clemens, meanwhile, will pair with Johan Santana to form the most impressive 1-2 punch in the league and will give Floral Park two legitimate aces at the top of their rotation.

 

Delgado, despite an onerous contract that includes two more years and a 2009 option, was brought back to DH against right-handed pitching. He is expected to bat third in the Demons’ lineup, between Miguel Cabrera and Alex Rodriguez. St. Jack’s insisted that Floral Park take on Blalock’s contract, which is of a similar length, as part of the deal. Blalock will likely sit in Floral Park’s minor leagues until the trade deadline and has a chance to be a defensive replacement in 2007.

 

Posada, meanwhile, will be part of the catching picture for the Flesheaters both right now (where he will compete with Ramon Hernandez or Rod Barajas for playing time) and next year (where he will be one of the top catchers in the league). A switch-hitting catcher with one more year on his contract and a .390 OBP (over .400 against righties) is a rare and valuable commodity, which Floral Park was happy to pick up. The trade leaves St. Jack’s with only two catchers on the 40-man roster and it is believed that they will be reaching out to at least two clubs – Lindenhurst and New Jersey – to inquire about the availability of one of their four backstops.

 

The trade leaves St. Jack’s with just one original member on their 40-man roster – starting pitcher Curt Schilling. Posada had over 1,000 plate appearances with the franchise and is the all-team statistical leader in several categories. Before the trade, it looked as though he would platoon with Michael Barrett in 2007, giving St. Jack’s perhaps the best catcher tandem in the NYLISL. Now it appears Barrett will have the job outright next year, with the talented Victor Martinez playing the caddy’s role.

 

Monroe is a versatile outfielder who hits lefties hard, but appears to have no role with St. Jack’s. He is believed to be very available to any team that needs a corner outfielder to supplement the lineup against lefties. Maddux is having one of the worst seasons of his career, but still has a WHIP of only 1.26 and may be rejuvenated after a recent MLB trade to the Los Angeles Dodgers. Both are free agents at the end of the season and, barring a career renaissance from Maddux, neither is likely to be re-signed. Thompson will fill out the back of the bullpen for Floral Park, which had just five relievers on the entire 40-man roster before the trade.

Manny on the Move: Scribes, Hitmen Complete Six-Player Swap; Two Of Lindenhurst's Legends Shockingly Sent Packing

St. Jack's at a Perfect 10: Six-Game Sweep of Lindenhurst Keeps Demons Hot; Stanner Division Outshining Redmen Division

No Slugger Left Behind: Floral Park Adds Delgado and Giles to Already Lefty-Heavy Lineup; Wright Shipped to Scribes

For nearly three months, the phones were silent. The seven general managers of the New York Long Island Strat League went along at a tranquil pace, playing a few games here and there, but not even the hint of a trade rumor was heard. But everything changed on Sunday, June 3, when the first trade of the young season was finally consummated. For Floral Park, it was definitely worth the wait.

The Flesheaters acquired two huge left-handed bats for their lineup, importing Carlos Delgado and Brian Giles from Wellwood/Lindenhurst, and in the process made themselves an extremely dangerous proposition for the right-handed starters in the Molloy Divison. Floral Park also added Melvin Mora and Ryan Freel to the mix, while sending David Wright, Moises Alou, Geoff Jenkins and Chone Figgins to the Scribes.

The trade dramatically alters the look of both teams, but the Flesheaters have to be very excited about the looks of things. With Delgado playing first and Giles taking over in right field, the Crackheads now boast four starters over 54 against righties (with DH Papi Ortiz and LF Adam Dunn also in the mix. Mora is a downgrade from the young phenom Wright, but provides slightly better defense and gets on base almost as often against right-handers. 

The Achilles’ heel for Floral Park will be left-handed pitching. Sunday’s trade means that six of the Fleasheaters’ nine projected starters are worse against lefties. What’s more, the lefty lineup is almost completely punchless, with only three projected starters having more than 10 points of home runs against righties. One of those starters, C Rod Barajas, is only a 35 overall against lefties. 

Still, the trade makes sense for Floral Park when you consider that there’s only one left-handed starter they’ll have to face in division play – St. Jack’s Mark Buehrle. Both the Demons and the New Jersey Bandits are going to have to consider beefing up on left-handed pitching to keep up – expect Barry Zito to be a frequent topic of conversation in the coming weeks, as he languishes in the Lindenhurst farm system. With Ortiz and Delgado now in the mix at first base, Floral Park is now free to shop 1B Ryan Howard to address other needs. Think Owner/GM Jason Varvaro is regretting protecting Darin Erstad now? 

Meanwhile, the Scribes sacrificed in both the power and the on-base department by replacing Giles and Delgado with Jenkins and Alou. The trade of Delgado is particularly surprising, as he was the franchise leader in a number of categories, including games, home runs, RBIs and on-base percentage (although the reported career .463 OBP coming out of Suffolk sounds like a miscalculation of Tim Walsh-ian proportions). 

However, the team is off to a slow start this season and the key to the deal on the Wellwood/Lindenhurst side is obviously Wright, who undoubtedly has a world of potential. Word on the street is that Owner/GM Jim Baumbach is now looking for a corner outfielder who can hit left-handed pitchers. 

Wellwood Avenue team officials have already announced they will retire Delgado's number when the Flesheaters come to town again, similar to what the Chicago White Sox did for Harold Baines aftrer trading him to Texas in 1989. It will be called “Carlos Delgado Night at The Grumman Complex,” and the tickets are already going fast. 

Flesheaters Add Garland and Gomes: The Floral Park makeover continued when Johnny Gomes and Jon Garland were imported from St. Jack's, in exchange for Doug Davis, Adam Dunn and Brian Fuentes. The addition of Gomes adds some sock to the Floral Park lineup against lefties, while Davis and Fuentes add two left-handed arms to the Demons' staff.

Pedro Goes AWOL!! Mop-Ups Ace Hides Out On Luxury Yacht in Queens
Pedro Martinez bolted the Suffolk County-based Mop-Ups this week and has taken up residence on a houseboat in Jamaica Bay, threatening to leave the team for good if various demands aren’t met. Chief on his list of concerns is the team’s nickname, which Pedro called “an insult” to the team’s solid pitching staff.

“I’m not going to pitch for no team that don’t respect me,” Pedro vowed. “I’ve won over 200 games in my career, but you’re going to call me a Mop-Up? No way, Jose!”

Martinez was seen by paparazzi cavorting with various generic white girls on Jamaica Bay this past weekend on a houseboat once owned by former New York Met Derek Bell, who sold the boat to Pedro in an attempt to make bail after a crack cocaine bust earlier this year. Sources say the choice of Jamaica Bay may have deeper meaning, as St. Jack’s GM Jack Flynn spent his formative years there building various powerhouses before leaving in 1998.

As salsa and reggaeton blasted from the speakers, Pedro spoke candidly to one intrepid reporter who swam all the way out to the boat and was hoisted aboard. “Look at this staff. Dontrelle (Willis), Chris Carpenter. Even that kid Leiter and Johnny Franco didn’t like,” Pedro added, referring to Scott Kazmir. “We’re not Mop-Ups. Kelvim Escobar, maybe he a Mop-Up. He’s no good. But the rest of us, we’re superstars and we deserve more respect.”

Mop-Ups Owner/General Manager Kevin Baumbach was stunned by Pedro’s defection. “I like the name,” Baumbach said. “It tested very well in the West Babylon/Lindenhurst markets. But we need our ace back.” However, the current 40-man roster includes 10 other starters, so there is no shortage of candidates to replace Pedro with the big club. There are six starters waiting on the Mop-Ups’ still-unnamed minor league roster that could take Pedro’s next start if necessary.

“We won’t wait forever,” Baumbach promised. “Brandon Backe will be on the next train to Suffolk if Pedro doesn’t come back soon.”

Pedro Martinez poses for pictures on Derek Bell's former houseboat in Jamaica Bay last weekend. Martinez abruptly left the Mop-Ups last week and wants the team to change its name.

Changes in New Jersey : Bandits React To Injuries By Demoting Darling And Promoting Sabes; Yoda Concerned With Slow Start
After the worst start in New Jersey Bandits franchise history, Bandits GM Yoda announced on May 1 that the team would undergo a thorough overhaul in an attempt to get back on the winning track.

The first victim of the restructuring was long-time pitching coach Ron Darling, who had been with the team since its inaugural season in 2000. Darling has been the source of much criticism the last few weeks, when several of the Bandits relievers started complaining about their roles in the pen. Darling seemed to have calmed some of the concerns last week when he held a closed-door meeting with his pitching staff after losing three straight to the division-leading Demons. The staff responded by winning the next three from the Demons, including two incredibly fortuitous extra-inning games. But things went from bad to worse when three of the Bandits' starting pitchers were injured early in the game and sources confirmed that the pitchers blamed Darling and the new exercise regimen he introduced during the pre-season.

In response, the Bandits announced that Darling had been reassigned to the team's minor-league affiliate in New Orleans, where he will finish out the season as the pitching coach there. Bret Saberhagen, who played the second half of the 2000 season and helped the team win their first World Series title, has been named the new pitching coach for the Bandits. Details of his contract were not disclosed.

Yoda confirmed that he had no intention of replacing either manager Tom Seaver or hitting coach Lenny Dykstra. He also denied rumors that first appeared last weekend that the team would be holding a fire sale in the near future. "It's way too early to start thinking about next year. We are only four games behind Forest Hills and we feel we have enough pieces to bring home another championship," the dimunitive Jedi master said.

Don't Mess With Tex! Demons First Baseman Sets League Record By Smacking Homers in Five Straight Games
Mark Teixeira barely made the St. Jack's Demons' roster out of spring training, holding off a late charge from Paul Konerko to start the season with the big club. Now that he's in the NYLISL and manning first base for the Demons, it doesn't look like he'll be leaving any time soon.

Teixeira launched eight home runs in his first five games, setting an NYLISL record and spurring St. Jack's to a 5-1 record against the Wellwood Scribes of Lindenhurst on Monday. The switch-hitting slugger is batting .565 on the young season (13-23), with a ridiculous 1.609 slugging percentage.

The home runs didn't come easy, either - Wellwood's ballpark is 1-8 for home runs and several of Teixeira's shots were ballpark-dependent. Amazingly, a missed ballpark homerun actually kept Teixeira from adding another bomb to his total. Owner/GM/Manager Jack Flynn wasn't complaining, however.

"It was perhaps the most amazing offensive display this league has ever seen," Flynn said. "Although I'm sure (Floral Park Flesheaters GM Jason) Varvaro will claim that he once had someone homer in 14 straight games or something ridiculous like that, I think it's safe to say the NYLISL has never seen such an extended run of power."

St. Jack's played five games on the road Monday, winning four largely on the strength of Teixeira's amazing feats of strength. Ironically, the home run streak was snapped when the series moved to the Forest Hills Coliseum, where the Demons won a 4-3 nailbiter to improve to 5-1 on the young season. Teixeira remained hot, however, rapping two hits in a winning cause.

Cornering the CF Market: Not Enough Room In The Outfield For Sizemore, DeJesus, Wells & Pierre; What Does St. Jack's Do?
Unless baseball is implementing a radical new rule change for the 2006 season, Jack Flynn has a numbers problem – too many center fielders! Less than a month after signing David DeJesus to a five-year contract extension, St. Jack's completed a long-term deal with Grady Sizemore on March 29 that will keep the rising star in a Demons uniform at least through 2011. If you're keeping score at home, that's two center fielders locked up for at least the next five years – and only room for one in the outfield!

As if the DeJesus/Sizemore conundrum wasn't enough, St. Jack's also has Vernon Wells signed through 2007 and Juan Pierre signed through 2006. What does this all mean? "Run the numbers, stupid!" Flynn churlishly snapped at inquiring reporter earlier today. "Someone's got to go!"

Team insiders believe that Pierre is the most likely to be traded, given his flexible contract status. However, a down year at the plate and in the field has left the fleet footed center fielder with a 39/33 and a 3e4 in the field. Pierre will likely be marketed as a pinch runner with no injury who is a prime candidate for a comeback in 2006. It is believed St. Jack's will be so happy to relieve some of the
current center field logjam that they will accept just about anything to be rid of Pierre, even if it's just a mid-round draft pick.

Still, that won't solve the two-headed monster of DeJesus and Sizemore. Both are left-handed singles hitters, although Sizemore is generally considered to have more potential, speed and power than DeJesus. Wells is not likely to be affected, as he is the right-handed and the best defender among the three – making him the perfect platoon partner and defensive replacement. Sizemore will start the season with the big club while DeJesus will be plying his trade in Pearl River, hoping for a call-up or a trade to a team struggling for help in center.

NYLISL Site Launches: Venerable Strat League Set To Expand In Seventh Year; Features Two Divisions, Unbalanced Schedule
The seventh season of the New York Long Island Strat League got underway on Sunday, March 19, as the New Jersey Bandits and the Floral Park Flesheaters squared off in divisional play. The defending champion Bandits face a tough challenge in 2006, as an unbalanced schedule against two of the league's most experienced franchises (the Flesheaters and St. Jack's Demons) will make surviving the Stanner Division a difficult proposition.

It's one of the many changes the NYLISL has undergone in the off-season. The league has added a seventh member, Newark Star Ledger baseball writer Ed Price, while officially saying goodbye to two charter members, Tim Walsh and Joe Falzarano. Expansion came late in the 2006 Draft, so Price will be fielding a team of ineligibles and replacement players as he looks forward to full membership status in 2007. The league will feature two divisions of three teams each: the Stanner Division and the Redmen Division (featuring Jason Boland's Lindenhurst Hitmen, Jim Baumbach's Wellwood Scribes of Lindenhurst and Kevin Baumbach's perpetually unnamed franchise). The six established franchises will play 20 games against divisional foes and 10 against the adversaries from the opposite division. Price will play as an independent, with a 14 game schedule against each of the league's six members.

Jack Flynn, Jason Varvaro and Chris Forster pose for pictures during the Stanner Division Winter Meetings (aka Jay's wedding) in Long Island last month.

Jumpin' Josh-osaphat!! Beckett Back in Bethpage as Baumbach Brings Back Hurler in Seven-Man Deal: Floral Park Gets Mussina
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Jumpin' Josh-osaphat!! Beckett Back in Bethpage as Baumbach Brings Back Hurler in Seven-Man Deal: Floral Park Gets Mussina
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Long Island State of Mind: Playoff Matchups Set; Three Teams Will Compete to Succeed New Jersey Bandits as NYLISL Champs
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